29. The Tumor of the Spheres

Do not be deceived by your karma. Ok.

What about Proust? Will he return to earth? (CLS, 1890)

Still trying to keep up with The Changing Light,

and this changing light, early October, shot three

of chemo coming Tuesday–nakedness left with no

choice but to sin and multiply (CLS, 192). Get it?

It’s all accident. The light almost has a scent to it,

something herbal, a chef’s concoction, amuse bouche,

what comes before the main course, November’s rains.

The music of Takemitsu, “Requiem for String Orchestra,”

in the background. And then Proust: I asked myself whether

there was not an existence altogether different from the one

I knew, in direct contradiction to it, but itself the real one….(WBG, 98)

as if to answer Merrill’s question, not coming back

but not here either. David can relate. He is trying to sit

zazen with a straight back and a straight face rehearsing

all of the songs he knows, swaying to the inner music

of his busy mind, his pounding headache, the tumor

of the spheres that won’t shut up its metastatic yawp.

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